Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Fast Guide for Small Talk Success

I am pretty much introverted and I hate small talk. I have felt this way for a while so going to corporate events or even just talking to strangers is usually uncomfortable. But, you can't just isolate yourself from society, well you can, but that is not what I want. So, it's time to get better at small talk.

I think a good place to start is just thinking about small talk in general, I just said I hate it above, that is based on my thinking that small talk is stupid because it is so superficial, but the truth is that small talk is really powerful and important skill set that you should learn to love and develop. Why?

How else will you find new friends and start meaningful conversations with random strangers? Something has to break the ice, initiate the convo, and yes, if all you talk about is the weather, than small talk is useless. But small talk should lead to a more deeper and interesting subjects, that is the goal, nobody really wants to be stuck in just small talk all night.

Now, what are you going to small talk about? Can't think of any topics or subjects? Well, let me just add some criticism, and this is directed to me. You suck! Get a life! You can't think of any subjects? really? I had to say this to myself a bunch of times, seriously, this criticism is the most significant part of small talk success.

The point is that a rich lifestyle creates content and it helps you engage others. So if you do not have a life, a rich lifestyle, you just suck and you should change, create it, get a life: read more, travel more, try new things everyday, take on various hobbies, do some charity work, and definitely socialize more.

The other big piece of advice is that you should care about the vibe of the conversation and not the topic. It's just small talk in the beginning so focus on energy, make sure you smile, joke around, be spontaneous and silly. The point is that in the beginning of any conversation the way you say things is much more important than what you say.

Remmeber to always ask open questions, not questions that end with a yes or no. You want the responder to talk about themselves. Some examples could be "What sort of books do you like?", "What did you study at university?", "Which is your favorite season? Why?", "Where's your usual watering hole?", etc. Finally, you should always have an exit line like "I have to go get another drink."

Okay, now the real content:

Here are some quick general small talk topics:

weather, hobbies, sports (current matches, favorite teams), current events, entertainment, compliments on clothing or fashion trends, media (films, books, magazines), hometown (where do you come from, how is it different), etc

Here are some Icebreakers:

current mutual situation (are you excited about the conference?)
have you tired this beer or that food?
did you hear about that news event?
do you have any kids?
travel (how was your flight down here? when are you heading back? favorite vacations spots?)
food: talk about the food being served
technology: talk about android phone, ipad, Facebook, computers, etc (do you think the win8 tablet will challenge the ipad?)
beer preference
holidays: there is always one coming up so you can ask about plans for holidays?
So have you had a busy day?
WORK: where do you work? how long have you worked for your company? have you always done this work?
Entertainment: seen any good movies lately?
Recreation: what do you do for fun? any hobbies?
what do you think about this place?
where did you grow up?
What do you do when you are not working?
once a topic comes up, like a book, u can say things like: if you wrote a book (made a cd, directed a movie) what would it be about?


When you are stuck, just think about some good books you just read, articles, your hobbies, etc. Remember to say a persons name now and then to memorize it and because it is a sign of respect and mutual like. Finally, make sure your response are meaningful, if someone says the weather is crappy, don't just nod or say "yeah" which will end that conversation. Respond by telling them how you cannot wait for summer, beach, etc. Keep it going.

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